What is necessary is never unwise

Man oh man, I really think that sitting in a wicked cool coffee shop for 3 endless afternoons absorbed into a good book - with no real obligations, social or otherwise - has got to be one of my favorite ways to spend a weekend. I may have been embracing my inner social butterfly this year, but I can definitely feel that inclination winding down. I've gotten to where nothing seems more appealing than spending an afternoon alone reading or writing or both. I suppose it's perhaps it's become such a rare commodity in my life - I haven't got a prayer of being alone in my 2 bedroom apartment with 4 roommates, and it seems like there's always someone wanting to do something. Not to say that I don't appreciate being so constantly surrounded by people I enjoy - just that I've been blessed with more than my share this year.

I've spent a lot of time this weekend watching people walk through this coffee shop, and thinking about Austin and it's identity. It really is quite a cool city, made up almost entirely of young people walking their own paths and looking to have a good time. I feel like nearly everyone here is quirky in their own way. And so much of this city in terms of it's size, opportunities, and population seems so geared towards the things that I want and need. I don't think I could have asked for a better place to spend my first year of post-college adulthood.

But as this year is winding down - with only 4 weeks left at my job - I'm thinking more and more about the future, and there's a part of me that's growing increasingly restless. Austin will always feel like home to me, I think - and I'll always think of it fondly, but part of me is just so ready to be a part of something bigger. To live in a city that's too big to feel like it's mine. I've been reading so much about film schools the last few weeks, and I'm even starting applications this week - it's hard not to be excited about the promise of the future.

Still, I keep reminding myself that I like this little city, and that I have plenty yet to learn from it. Afterall, I have a whole other year here - and if I feel I've grown so much in just one year, what will another bring?

We're officially signing the lease on our house for next year this week. I think that'll be good for me - to have something to bring this coming year more to the forefront of my mind. And certainly the thought of living in a house with Amy, Lauren, John, TIm and C-Wid (all of us under one roof?!) is enough to think about it. Amy and I decided yesterday to turn our second living room into a mini, in-house coffeehouse - with comfy broken down chairs and endtables and a selection of gourmet teas. Maybe then I won't have to spend every day of next year at Epoch - not that that would be the end of the world.

I think maybe the reason I haven't been thinking of next year much is because so much of it is as yet undetermined. I don't know what job I'll have, or how I'll spend my days. It's scary I guess, my life has never been so undetermined. But I can't help but feel that it's good for me. We have to learn how to live and love our lives even when we're not in control. I think it's so much more exciting that way - letting life lead you, instead of the other way around. And besides, even when we're working our hardest to stay in control of everything - we're not really in control at all. There are too many things happening all around us without waiting for our signal or permission. If we go through life thinking we're in charge, we're that much more likely to be lost when we realize we aren't.

As much as I think I've grown and matured in this past year, in some ways I think I cheated by going with a structured program like AmeriCorps. This coming year will be an adventure unlike anything I've encountered before. At last, a life that's undetermined. And as much as I'm not ready, I am.

Btw - I hear it's raining hardcore in Atlanta, and everyone is bummed out. It's funny, because I've been wishing for a good solid few days of rain out here. It never rains here, and when it does - it's never like the storms back home. I never thought I'd miss the rain so much, but here I am. Perhaps I would have done alright in Scotland afterall.