Into It.

Hey Beautiful People,

As you might have surmised by my lack of updating (or perhaps you heard me complaining endlessly) we still do not have internet at our apartment. It's a very long, annoying story and whenever I think about it my face turns bright read and my eyes get kind of crazy. So I'll refrain from recounting it for you. But for now, the next intended date of internet access appears to be this coming Wednesday - so we'll see what happens.

As for what else is going on in my life: I've just finished my second week at College Forward and I pretty much love it. This week started out as Onsite Training - which was basically the most redundant thing ever because it was pretty much exactly the same as our formal training last week - only in the office. We did get to meet a new addition to our coach team - a girl named Stephanie who was just hired last week, but jumped right in and seems pretty cool. After the first couple of days of the week I think they realized we were bored, so they switched things up a little.

On Tuesday we finally got our Food Stamps forms and we quickly figured out just how hard it's going to be to get our hands on these coveted little cards. It's a royal pain and the system works against you, but it's definitely worth fighting for because everything here is a bit more expensive than I'd expected. Even food costs more! (Thus the beauty of our lovely little Food Stamps) A girl in the office told us that her and her roommates electricity bill for last month was $300 for a 2 bedroom apt. That's crazy!! We've basically decided to never have the AC on if we can help it. We all know we can make it work, it's just a challenge. I do love a challenge.

Actually, when all the food stamp stuff was going on on Tuesday, along with some other stressful work-related things I was really spazzing out a little about how uncertain everything is right now. But then I suddenly remembered why it became so important to me to strike out on my own after college - why I got myself into this situation in the first place. I've always liked to believe that I'm a spontaneous, adventurous, risk-taking top. But I'm not - at all. I like to know what to expect at all times, I stick with what's comfortable. And I don't take unknown risks. But I want to. Because there are things I want in my life that I can get to by playing it safe. I think if I can learn to be free like that - to take life as it comes - I'll really be a much more satisfied person. Maybe not, but I guess that's what I'm here to find out. It's just funny because I remember thinking about this time 3 months ago and knowing that I'd be freaking out about all the uncertainty - and now here I am doing the freaking out. It really helps to remind myself what it's all for. I'm doing the things I was always afraid to do - it's a growth process - I think a little spazzing out is warranted. Anywho - after I had this whole realization, things have really been pretty great.

Wednesday we finally got our hands on the curriculum - the senior class one at least - which made us all feel heaps better. And Wednesday afternoon we claimed our desks and actually started doing our jobs. Planning classes, calling students, doing research. It feels so great to finally be doing things. It actually freaks me out a little how much I'm enjoying working at desk from 9 to 6 everyday. I hate think I might actually be cut out for this whole office job thing - it's got to be the work I'm doing.

On Thursday, my school team and I all rode out and finally got to see our school. Renato showed us around and one of the CF kids saw us in our t-shirts a yelled out to us. Between him and the kids I've talked to on the phone - I'm getting really excited about the classes - mostly because they're excited. They're excited about us - HOW COOL IS THAT?!

On Friday I brought my Brazilian hammock into work because the one they had had fallen apart. So now I'm the cool kid in the office (as if I wasn't already :-P). I also got to have lunch with the founder and executive director of College Forward which was really cool. She's quite a character - a real fireball. But talking to her really helped me understand her mentality and how she got to where she is. She basically said that you have to do the things you want to do when you want to do them - before you have time to overthink and talk yourself out of it. Clearly that's a problem for me - but I'm excited to work on it. It was just cool talking to her because she's really made something happen for herself. And she didn't know anything about nonprofit management or education before she started CF. In fact, she still claims to not really care about those things - she just cares about the kids. She said her greatest tool was and is her passion - that when you're passionate about something other people want to help you because they want to get in on that passion. It might be harder to believe if I didn't see the product of her passion right before my eyes. I'm a believer, and whereever my passion leads me - I think it will be a great place.

So it was a really good week at work, and next week will be even better with the start of classes.

As for outside of work, my roommates and I spent almost every night this week watching episodes of Supernatural on DVD. The crazy thing is - it wasn't even my idea. I showed them the pilot last weekend, and then they all just wanted to watch more. They're hooked. And John and Jess have been talking about it work and so a couple of our other friends have come over to watch it too. It's kind of weirding me out actually - I'm not used to having that. But I'd say it's definitely a good thing. And Kevin, Jess and I started watching the 4400 on DVD yesterday and now we're hooked on that too.

Last night we went out on 6th street with a whole big group including me, Jess, John, Kevin, Jessica Chan, Amy and her roommates, Tim, Chris and his roommates, and this new coach Rocky (hired on Friday) and his roommate Aaron. We actually started a dance party at this one bar - it was so much fun! It's great having so many new people to hang out with and get to know - I love it.

Tonight we're going to this party that Joe's throwing at his house which will hopefully be really fun. And next weekend I have an appointment at Iris Salon to get my haircut. I think I'm going to dye it again too. It just feels right in this new place as I'm becoming new. You guys all know how I am about my hair. So we'll see what happens with that.

I'm having a little trouble with my car which I was really freaking about at first - but I'm still under warranty which is actually making it pretty easy - which is awesome.

Things are settling. I can feel myself growing roots here. It's only been 2 weeks, but in some sense - it's already home.

I feel so blessed.

*paz*

T. Lew

ps. I hope you guys know that I miss you all like crazy and I wish I could see your beautiful warm faces every day. But we've all got to spread our wings sometime right? I love y'all.

Check out this poem:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings