Slowly grew into a hope

FACT: I am not as good at this whole blogging thing as I was 4 years ago.

But really, that's okay, because I don't really think it's a bad thing that I'm slightly less self-absorbed and introspective than I used to be. I'm a little over the 10 page angst-urbation I used to indulge in - I imagine most everyone else is too. Yay growing up!

Things have been good so far this summer. What's funny is that it feels more like summer than anything has in the past 5 or 6 years - which is weird because it's the first summer that is structured purely by chance rather than academic tradition.

I have been inexplicably happy as of late. Actually, inexplicably doesn't really apply here because I know why I'm happy, I just really like that word. I am loving being a free adult. I'm loving finally being independent. I've already talked about this a lot before so I'm not going to dwell too much on it - but things are really really good. Sometimes I'll just be driving around or walking down the street or standing in the elevator and I'll just be overcome by how very *good* things are. I think this is called contentment. Or joy. Or something equally cool.

I think part of it - as Robin so astutely pointed out last night - is that I haven't felt this unstressed in a very long time. And it's not even that I don't have anything to be stressed about - the future is looming and I should be a basketcase. Particularly since none of the empirical evidence I've been thus far presented with makes it at all likely that I'll have enough money saved up by this fall. This should be terrifying me, and I suppose it is in some far off dusty corner of my mind, but not that I'm aware of. I just can't get worked up about it. And it might be because I bumped my head a month ago and damaged the melodramatic part of my brain - but I think it's more likely because I just know by this point that things have a way of working out. I mean, I'm not going to *die*, and if I do I don't really think I'll care after I'm dead. So it's just kind of like - why make it worse by worrying about it. So I'm really enjoying this whole non-stress thing.

Meanwhile, some pretty cool things have been happening lately. Last Thursday I watched the Grey's finale with Anne and then we sat on my parents balcony and watched citylife happen and talked about how we're going to find husbands that want to buy lakehouses. I've been getting to spend a lot of time with Anne lately - and I'm really liking it. She has this special significance because she's like the oldest friend I have exclusively from college - and I feel like we have a very genuine and solid friendship. We don't always get to hang out a whole lot, but when we do it's always good. It's really nice to realize that I came out of college with some people that I really care about and want to know for the rest of my life.

Anywho, Friday night I stayed up at Lauren Cole's house in Snellville and we dyed my hair and bonded over Supernatch and watched Donnie Darko. AND I found out that Seth Rogen is IN DONNIE DARKO! That makes him about 500 times cooler. You know, working at Webb Gin certainly had it's low points, but I'm glad I got Lauren out of the deal. I'm so making her go with me to a Supernatural Con next year.

Saturday night I went up to Athens to retrieve somethings - except I failed at finding the one thing I really need right now so boo for that. But then I met up with Lila and we played Rock Band at her friend's house and there was a cute boy there. The night was pretty fun, and it was fun to see Lila - but I did realize I have a "type." Actually - given my recent infatuation with the newest American Idol - I'd say I have a couple of types. It's weird - I never really pegged myself for the "type" type. Hahaha

Speaking of stupid humor - check out this hilarious Pearls Before Swine cartoon: http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/archive/pearls-20080525.html

Priceless!

Moving on, I actually amazed myself by making it home in time for church on Sunday, after which I chilled by the pool with Anne all afternoon and actually felt like I was having a holiday. Even though I was bummed I couldn't make it up to the lake, I ended up having a really good day. Anne and I bought new jeans and this time (knock on wood) I think they're actually a good pair. They're maintaining their fit *and* they look good with cowboy boots. After the jeans, Meredith surprised me by showing up in town and we went out to dinner at Los Rancheros (nostalgia!) and then stayed up late drinking wine and catching up and talking about past, present, and future on the condo balcony. I'm really going to miss that balcony.

Last night I got to see Robin and catch up with her, not to mention see her brother who has been in Israel for the past year. So that was awesome too. I've enjoyed having some time to myself these past few weeks, but I'm pretty glad everybody is coming back in town for a little while.

Today I got all my hair cut off! It's really short - shorter than I expected, but I'm getting used to it. I never thought I'd see the day when I was nervous about having short hair! But it was time. And then I got all these free clothes from my mom - which is great except the part where I was trying to get *rid* of clothes. And my mom let me wear her cowboy boots to see if they fit and I thought they were going to, but then I had to ditch them because they were giving me serious blisters. *Sigh* Too bad because I gotta say - I look good in cowboy boots!

Anyways, I have the whole day off tomorrow so I'm pretty psyched about that. I might get to see Indiana Jones AND Ironman.

So yeah, things are pretty good and getting better all the time. I might even have a subleaser finally (fingers crossed!)

I guess that's all for now, I have to quit sometime - but I'll end with this thing that I apparently wrote sometime in high school - forgot all about and then had an old friend send to me via Facebook to let me know she still thinks of me sometimes. It was pretty awesome, and now it's pretty apt.

"I think the greatest feeling in the world is when you realize you're happy. Like actually realizing it. It's knowing you aren't perfect. That you've got issues. That parts of your life are fucked up. And still being able to laugh til it hurts, and sing super loud, and roll down hills, and fly, and thank God for every second of your existence. It's still being able to dream even if they won't come true. Still being able to love even if you've been hurt. It's never being too old to wish on stars, or believe in fairy tales. it's refusing to give in to bitterness. And no matter what happens, if you can take a moment at the end of every day, and find one thing that makes you glad to be alive, then its worth it."